the second day of new year..
..was my birthday. My 41st birthday; celebrating my 41 years of existence, and stepping right into my 42nd year the very next day. It’s strange how people always tell us “You are xx years old already?” when actually I’m xx+1 already. Having realized how painful the birthings are for the mothers, I never really thought much about celebrating my own birthday. Well, that and the fact that in my younger years, friends would not remember my birthdays as it is usually the first day of school. And the rare ones that I had became way too emotional for me (because they cared).
This year’s was different, I wanted to celebrate, as I’d survived a year that was truly challenging and tiring for me; I had a health scare (which came up to nothing), several major wrong decisions being imposed on me (being side-laid by idiots), big disappointments from the people of my industry that forced me to give up one of my biggest and favorate-est social project (circa), dealing with little people who does not understand quality fine art printing and yet still tries to steal my business by imitating me (some cheap printing outfit), a power failure (which cost me quite a huge amount of money, not to mention my back from carrying cooling devices from home to lab over 2 days), having big dreams dashed (due to the fact that I could not afford the renovations that the future landlord would demand for). E.T.C. E.T.C. E.T.C.
It was also the year that some dreams are realized (my first solo museum show at Baba House), big dreams could finally be realized (I am still crossing my fingers here), I figured that farming would be so good for me (in Yamanashi, Japan), that maybe my audience was situated in the wrong country (Japanese really dig my works), that there was only so much that I could care about (world, you have to start looking out for yourself), that friends could come from the most unexpected places (coffee shop helpers, library peeps, you guys are the best-est!), that some friends would always misunderstand you and that you have to understand that they will one day understand and let that go for now. That my make-believe families can be warmer than my real family (my Japanese family, my kids - girls and boys, you know who you are). That my real family, would sometimes give me gems in life that makes me a better person. This is the year that I’ve also decided to take a partial hiatus from teaching because I am tired, but more poignantly, because I should start forcusing on myself, that I am really important.
It was also a year of serendipity; Interesting projects that works out because objects, notes, friends comes together in a way that I could not have planned. That friends would know friends of friends who knew other friends that connected with me. That a plant that I’d been looking for, for months, suddenly appear at my front gate as a gift from a dear friend who didn’t even know I was looking for that plant! That a bowl shaped well, bowl, was bought in Taiwan for me, at about the same time as I was looking at another similar shaped bowl at a museum in Singapore. That characters would come to life in my exhibition at Baba House. That even Serendipity can be serendipity.
It took my whole birthDAY to bring it all together and made sense of all that I’ve gone through. In that single day, I spent it with people that I cared about. We drank and ate food that would not have been possible if not for the love of friends. I almost cried for a friend, I laughed at another, I contemplated with yet another. We shared insights to a friend new to the arts. We wished for the almost arrival of a precious new life, feeling a whole lot of energy, and ended the night with a friend talking about art, creation, human flaws and weaknesscess, strengths and hope for the future. That sometimes, planning has to give way to serendipity. Not everything was to the heart, of course. I learnt about managing projects, planning ahead, character types, importance of a good team. My birthday extended till past 2am this morning. I was buzzing by the time I had to end my last conversation for my birthday, and yet, my phone kept buzzing with birthday wishes. I am so blessed.
For the new year, I want to be even more human; feeling the pains and the joys. I want to be more forgiving of those that had transpass against me and be grateful for the friends that I already have. Most of all, I want to be more grounded, more present in the way that I’ll live my life.
Thank you life, thank you friends, thank you families.
